Your Personal Space

Douglas J. Moore, Ph.D.

LONELINESS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

It would be wonderful to always feel the joy, peace, and good cheer across greeting less

that is blazened

cards.

are

However, there desirable feelings such as loneliness associated with holidays.

Loneliness begins during the reasons. One family members

and not the

holidays for numerous reason could be when only invite you for dinner your lover. Another could be eternal question, "When are you going to get married?" The loneliness in these situations comes from being with loved ones who are either unaware of, denying, or not accepting your lifestyle. Even though they are family, you feel alone. Holidays can also remind you that a lover is not present to share in the festivities.

Can

minimized?

loneliness be

prevented or Yes, but it helps to have

when and

a plan. The first step of the plan is to recognize where the feelings occur. Does the loneliness start when you first notice carols being heralded at street corner? Or, does it set in after the festivities? to identify what Try situation initiates the first pang of loneliness.

every

The second step is to examine how you react to the situation. Reactions include the way you think about a situation and how you behave. For example, when you begin to feel lonely do you have series a

of

negative thoughts such as, "Nobody

loves me", "I'll never find a lover", or "Oh, one drink won't hurt"?

or

to

the

activities loneliness

that may include isolating oneself, overeating and dwelling on the

Behaviors

contribute

or drinking,

loneliness.

Once

you

the

recognize particular thoughts and behaviors associated with your loneliness, the next step is to try and change them. Not easy? You've tried that already and it doesn't work? Well, right.

One way to change the negative

reactions mentioned earlier is to

come up with more positive thoughts and behaviors, then repeat the positive ones numerous times more than the negative thoughts and behaviors. For example, if you tend to think, "I'll never find a lover", try replacing it each time with something like, "I'll try to be happy now so when I do meet someone the relationship will work better". If this positive example does not work for you or sounds trite, develop your own. Also, attempt to change your negative behaviors to more positive ones. If you isolate yourself, try being with friends or family that will be supportive. New friends and support groups may be found through some of the activities listed in the Chronicle.

The last

step is to repeat all the other ones again and again. By converting the negative thoughts and behaviors the to positive ones, loneliness can be minimized. The negative reactions have become habits It because of continuous repetition. can take weeks, months or even years before the new positive thoughts and behaviors become engrained. It helpful to understand why negative reactions first started, but this is not always possible or necessary. It is hard to be objective about yourself, So if the loneliness persists, it may be beneficial to find a mental health professional who can help.

is

Next issue I will discuss how to keep those New Years resolutions. I hope these hints help make your holidays a little pleasant. Have a nice one!

in

more

He

Dr. Moore is a clinical psychologist private also practice. teaches, consults, and does research at several institutions in Cleveland.

Request

Reagan's Budget

Research Funds

1981

0

0.

1982

0

you are

$

1983

0

5.6 mil. 28.7 mil.

1984

$ 39.8 mil.

61.5 mil.

1985

60.5 mil.

109.2 mil.

1986

126.0 mil.

233.8 mil.

410.7 mil.

Changing one's thoughts and behaviors is not easy and the first to do so usually do not With persistence, the negative and behaviors can be results in loneliness

attempts work. thoughts changed, which being minimized.

SUSAN M. WEAVER

ATTORNEY AT LAW

Divorce

1987 203.4 mil. (Excerpted

from THE GAY BOOK OF LISTS, by Leigh Rutledge, to be published this November by Alyson Publications, Boston, MA)

•

Bankruptcy

General Practice

Cleveland & Soion Offices

Wills

(216) 349-3700

SCWU Awards

80

WEST HOLLYWOOD Southern California Women for Understanding (SCWU) is seeking nominations for qualified organizations or individuals to receive the 1988 Lesbian Rights Award for outstanding services to the community. Nominees must be Lesbians and must have shown outstanding support for Lesbian rights, causes, and issues of concern to Lesbians.

Com-

SCWU will also present five munity Service Awards. While Nominees for these need not be Lesbians, must they have shown outstanding support for the Lesbian community.

San

Diegan Chris Kehoe is a previous recipient of the award. Other past honorees include pioneering 1950's Lesbian activists Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon; women's music performers Meg Christian, Holly Near, and Cris Williamson; The Alcoholism Center for Women; and the Rev. Nancy Wilson.

Nominees should be sent to "Nomination", 9054 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90069, or phoned in to (213) 274-1086.

The Lesbian Rights Award Banquet will be held at the Sheraton Universal Hotel in University City on March 12, 1988.

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